July 2025: Close Friends, Getting Engaged, and Comedy Representation
"There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen." - Jonathan van Halem
Hello loyal readers/best friends,
Creatures of habit, aren’t we? Me, writing my monthly Substack; and you, reading my monthly Substack. We’re like Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar… we just don’t know how to quit each other.
First and foremost I’d like to welcome my two new subscribers. Thank you for joining the fold and I promise I will not let you down. I recently got an email from a reader who said, “I barely even watch your comedy, but I do love your quantitative approach to life.” That’s the JVH guarantee, baby.
Second and second-most, I got engaged. Readers of the Substack know I have the hots for my then-girlfriend, now-financée, so this is a great development for me.
The proposal was really nice. We were in the park, and right after she agreed to be my wife, two birds landed right in front of us and kissed. Cute right? Not that funny, but cute!
For fun, I have instead been telling people that immediately after I proposed, we saw a dog get hit by a car. Then I ask them, “do you think that’s a bad sign?” Thus far, no one has had the courage to say “yes.”
So before I get into the comedy stuff, let’s take a look at this month in photos.
(My bride to be)
(My birthday dinner - Hometown BBQ in Red Hook. We had a gift card)
(I went whale watching. Saw two whales)
(Birthday gifts from my gal, feat. Mrs. Met, Don Draper, and Plussy)
(Gil Hodges AKA former Mets manager AKA LET’S GO METS BABY!!)
(I headlined the Bennington Theater in Bennington, VT)
What I Listened To This Month
“Girl, so confusing” - Charli XCX feat. Lorde - This is my monthly “I am not immune to the forces of the internet” song. I really like it. I’ve seen Charli XCX live (brag), and I’ve seen Lorde live (brag), and they were two of the best concerts I’ve ever attended. (Honorable mention: Weird Al)
“Islands In the Stream” - Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers - I believe a few months ago I included “Ghetto Superstar” in my What I’m Listening To This Month section, so it’s only natural for me to loop back to “Islands in the Stream”.
“Closer” - Ne-Yo - Your eyes do not deceive you, it is not 2006. Ever since he did a Tiny Desk Concert, I’ve been on a minor-but-not-too-minor Ne-Yo kick. What can I say? He knows his way around a radio hit.
Comedy Updates/Upcoming Shows
I performed on 11 shows in July of 2025. I was on stage for a total of 193 minutes, and made $887. Some of these shows included:
7/2 Friends with Caveat - It’s great that Caveat has a house show for their frequent performers. I had a great time performing on this. I root for its continued success!
7/11 Best Night Ever - I love this show. It’s an indie show that Audrey Black and Akshay Sampath have been hosting in Bushwick for two years. They’ve stayed consistent, which is a must for a successful indie show. Plus I got to try out a new tag in this bit about my mom, which hit hard for a Brooklyn audience (and flops out of town).
7/12 Bennington Theater (headlining) - More on this below.
7/13 Raaatscraps - So, I didn’t technically do stand-up on this show. I did monologues that an improv group used as inspiration for their set. Raaatscraps is the rebirth of a legendary New York improv show called Asssscat. When I moved to New York City in 2016, I would go to Asssscat every Sunday night that I didn’t have plans (read: a lot of Sunday nights). To nine years later get to be the monologist of Raaatscraps was quite the full circle moment. Plus, one of the improvisers was the writer of the 2022 Jennifer Lopez movie Marry Me, which I loved.
7/15 Hot Gossip - More on this below.
7/18 Bitches Brew - Bitches Brew is a fantastic weekly show. I love it for two reasons. 1) I’ve never had a bad set on their show, 2) It’s like a ten minute walk from my house 3) They pay their comics.
My 2025 cumulative total of time on stage thus far is 1,197 minutes. My 2025 cumulative earnings are $7,206.
I have performed on 73 shows thus far this year. I am well on track to pass my 2025 goal of 100 shows and $10,000 in stand-up earnings. Next year I’m upping those goals to 200 shows and $30,000. Let’s see how that goes.
I headlined the Bennington Theater in Bennington, VT, which sold 60 tickets. This was a great show for a few reasons.
Long sets have become routine for me, which is very nice. I can spend an hour on stage without worrying about filling the time. It’s given me the flexibility to do crowd work, follow threads down weird paths, ad lib, improvise, etc. Earlier this year I opened for Rory Scovel, and one of the pieces of advice he imparted on me was to go on stage with less of a plan, which I thought was stupid and terrifying. But the more I headline, the more I see the virtue in what he said.
Artistic director of the Bennington Theater seemingly liked me, and invited me to come back next year. She said acts tend to sell more tickets the more times they come to town. It seems like a lot of my 2026 bookings may end up being places I hit in 2025. Ya boy is becoming a road dog.
I produced my Brooklyn show, Hot Gossip, first the first time at a new venue, the RAT NYC in DUMBO. It went great. It sold 36 tickets out of a possible 45 tickets (which is really not bad for a Tuesday night in July, widely known to be one of the slowest months of the year), and the venue was great to work with. I will be doing Hot Gossip at this venue on 8/13, 9/11, 10/9, 11/13, and 12/11 to close out the year. If those all go well, I was pitch the venue on Hot Gossip becoming a weekly show.
I’ve begun taking meetings to find a new comedy manager. I am really taking my time with the process. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had some folks reach out to me while I was Taken, but who are still down to talk now that I’m Single. I have very defined goals that I’d want a manger to collaborate with me on. Happy to talk more about this in person, but for the sake of business I should keep is vague on the Substack.
I have headlining dates in the following cities:
9/27 Suffern, NY (link to come)
10/18 Brooklyn, NY (link to come)
1/2 Beverly, MA
2/20 Portland, OR
That’s it for now
I will be back next month with more career updates/pop culture recommendations and all of that good stuff. I also hope to write a longer form piece in next month’s newsletter, as well. Thank you so much for reading, and Let’s Go Mets.
Love,
JVH